I Believe in Divorce!

As a Marriage & Family Therapist, I hear people say all the time "I don't believe in divorce!" and they are usually people whose marriage is falling apart and are facing divorce. It's almost as if they think that if they declare their disbelief in divorce they can avoid the whole subject.

I believe in divorce! I see it all around me and know too painfully that it is an all too common event in far too many people's lives. When I say "I believe in divorce" I am NOT saying that I think it is a great thing - I'm just saying that this is a reality folks and declaring our disbelief in it is not enough.

What most people probably mean is "I don't believe in divorce as an option for solving my marital problems." That is better but it is still not enough. Focusing on the negative doesn't help much.

I would love to hear people saying "I believe in loving, honoring and cherishing my spouse" not "you vowed till death do us part!" The focus of our vow is on what we will do in our marriage, not how long we have to stick together. NEWSFLASH - If you love, honor and cherish your spouse you will most likely never experience a divorce.

Couples need to recognize that divorce is a possibility and take steps to protect their relationship, not in a frantic, insecure way, but in sober, mature way. Couples do not need to play fast and lose with their relationship - it can be hurt!

Consider your marriage as being like a beautiful cut-glass piece of Waterford crystal - shaped like an egg and very expensive. Friends come over and want to play a game of football. There is no football so they head for the egg shaped heirloom and hit the back yard for a game of touch football and you oblige. STOP!!

Of course you wouldn't let that happen. You would protect the crystal from the inevitable harm of playing around with it. The crystal isn't fragile, but it is breakable so you would honor and cherish it. Your marriage isn't fragile, but it is breakable so honor and cherish it.