A woman's reproductive system is an open system - a man's is closed. An open system is the most vulnerable, for the sexual experience occurs within her body and is most susceptible to harm. The closed system of man means his sexual experience occurs outside of himself and there is less chance of experiencing violation.
In order for a woman to safely and successfully receive a man she must experience patience, security and tenderness - anything less hurts or potentially harms. The woman is created to respond and receive after being cared for.
The man rises to the occasion and brings his power to the woman. He is not able to consummate the relationship if he is not potent. Whereas the woman is created to respond, the man is created to lead - but his leadership must first be attuned to serving.
I have had many men and women frustratingly ask why the two are so different. The man is instantly ready and the woman takes time. As I have thought about that I am mindful of Philippians 2:5-11 which states:
"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death-- even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."
If the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church, then following the lead of Christ he must set aside his needs to minister to hers. Christ laid aside his greatness and served us. By doing so he was exalted and his greatness was all the more magnified. In the same way, a husband who dies to his instant urges and "marital rights" and serves his wife, providing her a safe, intimate setting, will be lifted up and ultimately exalted in the sexual experience - it will be a shared experience of intimacy not a one-sided grab.
[Side note: Serving a wife is not being enslaved. I've often said that every king must serve his queen but he must never become her slave. Only eunuchs can be slaves to the queen and that is too high a price.]
It will be a frustrating experience and unfulfilling to a woman if she allows a man who hasn't risen to the occasion to enter into her inner world. She will never be satisfied by an impotent man. In the same way, it is a frustrating and unfulfilling experience to try to enter into the world of a woman too insecure to trust and receive.
So what's the point? Am I just getting my kicks writing about sex? Not really - there is a point.
Ladies, protect yourself! Wait for a man to rise to the occasion and demonstrate servant leadership - true power. If you allow a man into your inner world that hasn't demonstrated power and doesn't know how to die to self and serve others, you will live with him being hurt or frustrated.
Men, learn to lead with power! Rise to the occasion and put on the mantle of Christ. Face the "death of self" square in the eyes and don't flinch. Give OF yourself, but don't give UP yourself. Make it your aim to protect and serve and create an environment that fosters intimacy - "into-me-see". Be careful not to enter into a relationship that requires you to be a slave (remember the eunuchs) or where she is incapable of trust - you, too, will be frustrated and harmed.
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Mark Simpson, LMFT
LifeChange Counseling Centers
http://www.lifechangedaily.com/
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