Acceptance

The most powerful way to transform yourself or others is through acceptance. When you find yourself struggling with hiccups and hangups, do you beat yourself up with negative self talk? When those around you are acting out in ways that annoy you, do you respond harshly?

We are most open to correction from those who are accepting and affirming. We have all had those authority figures in our lives that could speak directly to us, even firmly correct us, and we listened to them because we knew they were committed to our best interest. At the end of the day, we knew they loved us and cared.

When we are struggling with our own hangups, start with accepting yourself. Instead of condemning yourself with harsh, shaming comments, seek first to understand where those hangups came from. Understanding doesn't mean agreeing or embracing as viable, but you can never transform something until you understand it.

In the same way, invest in understanding others before you start trying to change them. Honor where they are coming from and then offer another way in love.

When I start to get anxious when climbing up a ladder, I can approach myself with condemnation - "Gosh, what's wrong with you? It's just a stupid ladder! Buck up and climb, you wimp!" This approach rarely works.

"Why am I anxious (oh my soul)? What? Oh, OK! You are afraid I will fall again and lose another hand. That really hurt you when you lost lefty falling out of that tree. Body, you're afraid that I will be careless and break another arm. I promise I will be careful and watch my footing. We have to get up that ladder and complete this task. You can keep me on my edge by keeping me a little nervous but you can't rule me. Let's get this done together."

I know that may seem odd to talk to yourself that way but who better talk to you that way than you? If someone else talked to you in such a supportive way, you would like them and be influenced positively. Treat yourself in the same manner. Love others the way you love yourself!

After loving yourself, you will be better equipped to deal graciously with others and you will see transformation occurring around you and within.