Only As Sick As Our Secrets

We've heard it said that confession is good for the soul. It's true! However, we really don't buy it. We hide ourselves behind masks and performance to cover over our hidden shame. Like Adam and Eve, we are skilled at the art of fig-leave deflection - "Look over there! - whew, I thought you might see me."

God's call to confession is not for the purpose of beating us down and embarrassing us into straightening up and flying right. God's call to confession is in order that we might be free from the things that lurk in the shadows of our lives.

When the doctor left the dirt in my arm after I broke it, the concealment allowed the bacteria to thrive. It was anaerobic (thrives on no oxygen) and spread feverishly in the closed spaces of my arm. His attempt to spare me further pain resulted in the loss of my left hand.

Secrets of hidden shame are our attempt to spare ourselves and others from pain. The only difficulty is that it results in destruction thus leading to more pain. But why do we hide so? What is at work in us?

One of many reasons is that we have a sinful definition of sin. What? Bare with me on this one.

I really believe that sin is first and foremost a "missing the point". That, of course, begs the question - "what is the point?". The point is that we are loved with an everlasting love by a good God - Father, Son and Spirit - and that NOTHING can separate us from that love that has been demonstrated and secured in Jesus Christ. This kind of permanent, unconditional love summons us to rest, relax, abide on a day-by-day basis in the embrace of such an amazing relationship.

To miss that point (Truth as the Bible calls it) does not leave us neutral. It leads down a path of fear, pain and anxiety and into various strategies to manage that pain. Pick your poison.

What is it that you do that salves the pain of your soul? Religion, food, sex, gosssip, people pleasing, greed, adultery, pornography, drunkeness, getting high, working 18 hour days, perfectionism, TV, exercise, shopping, etc. are all possible self-management schemes to quiet the stirring pain in your soul.

Our pet strategies eventually turn on us and instead of offering relief begin to condemn us. More pain and more hiding follow and the vicious cycle continues. Because we believe we are no good, no count, worthless and disgusting we apply more and more anethestic fig leaves to the wounds and hope and pray that no one finds out what miserable wretches we are.

"If you knew me - you would see how unlovable and unacceptable I really am and you would run from the room (relationship) screaming." Secrets!

I wrote the following poem after meeting with a pastor who told me of his painful isolation and turmoil dealing with hidden sins and struggles:

Suffering in Silence

Silence is my friend
Silence is my foe
Silence -
Suffering in silence.

You would never know what I am going through, silence!
You will never know what I'm going through, silence!
Some say silence is golden and I would tend to agree
but silence is also deadly and it might be the death of me.
Silence! Suffering in Silence!

Oh, how I long to be free from this body of death
but the hands that are attached to the Body of Christ might
throw stones instead of help in healing me.
Silence! Suffering in silence!

Just to scream aloud the secrets that scream in me
and to experience embrace not another back turned from me.
Silence! Suffering in silence!

If I dared share my heart would you still look at me?
I don't think I can risk it,
So I'll be what I think you want me to be.
Silence! Suffering in silence!

Confession - the way out of Sickness

When we come to see that the root cause of our problem is our failure to rest in the unconditional love of Christ for us and that our broken strategies don't define us we become free to come out of hiding and share with others the truth of who we are and what we struggle with.

One man says - "When I lose sight of who I am in Christ I drink."
A lady says - "I forgot the truth of my acceptance and tried to gain it by tearing down my friend through gossip."
A teenager declares - "I got so afraid that I'm not loved and God isn't looking out for my future that I forced the timing of love and had sex with my girlfriend."

And together they say - we missed the point! God is good! Jesus loves us! Let us return to the Truth and be set free from our sick strategies born out of a lie.

In Him we are loved! In Him we are acceptable! In Him we are all equal.

I have a confession to make - I am a sinner that misses regularly the truth of how special I am in Christ and I medicate my pain through materialism, lust, food, control, greed, slothfulness and anger.

I need to return to the point - Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells so!

Note to self: Rest, relax, abide in His embrace!