Imagine what you would feel if someone took your leg and bent it out at the knee instead of back. You would no doubt experience pain by the hyper-extension of your knee. This pain would result in you doing everything in your power to stop the hyper-extension and save the integrity of your leg.
You wouldn't feel guilty for saying "Hey, stop that! You're going to break my leg!" If they persisted, you would most likely kick the person.
Well did you know you could hyper-extend your soul? It's true! You can over give and over-do and wind up breaking your soul.
But how do you know if your hyper-extending your soul? Does the soul experience pain? YES!
When your giving and doing results in resentment, your soul is telling you it is being hyper-extended. The problem is we don't listen to the soul pain. We brush away the warning of soul damage with self-guilt and shame.
"I shouldn't be resentful. I should be a better Christian and give cheerfully. What's wrong with me? Lord, help me be more giving!"
You wouldn't ignore the pain of your knee - don't ignore the pain of your soul. Stop ignoring the soul pain!
2 Corinthians 6:9 says:
"Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."
This verse is not saying "Suck it up and give cheerfully!"
It is saying, when you give out of what you have decided in your heart to give - it produces cheerfulness. God is all over that! But when you give reluctantly and under compulsion so that you-know-what doesn't hit the fan - you will not experience cheerfulness but rather resentment. God wants you to learn to say "NO!" and spare your soul from breakage.
Just as you protect your knees from hyper-extension so you can continue to walk and run, protect your soul from hyper-extension so you can continue to give cheerfully from your heart.
Want to be a cheerful giver? Exercise your "NO" muscle!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Empty Boxes
Q. How do you get something out of an empty box?
A. You put something in it!
Marriage is like an empty box. You marriage is only as good as the energy you put into it and is only as beautiful as the time you spend tending to it.
Many people I see with marriage troubles have approached marriage as if it were an appliance.
"This darn dishwasher (marriage) just isn't working anymore."
When an appliance doesn't work, you kick it, maybe cuss it, jiggle it and then start looking for an opportunity to replace it.
"We went to a repair man and he couldn't fix it, so it's time to put this dishwasher (marriage) to rest and find a new one. I hear there are a lot of new features on the new models!"
Marriages aren't appliances and aren't repairable. Let me say that again - marriages aren't appliances and aren't repairable. People are the repairable ones!
A marriage is the sum of its parts and if the some doesn't add up then the parts are lacking. Work on the only part in the marriage you can truly change - yourself and invest in the empty box.
Do you want passion in the marriage? Put some passion into it. Do you want attention? Put a little attention in it. Do you want respect? Give some respect.
Instead of looking for what you can get out of the box (marriage), look at what you can give and invest in the box (marriage).
Where YOU INVEST is where your heart will be.
A. You put something in it!
Marriage is like an empty box. You marriage is only as good as the energy you put into it and is only as beautiful as the time you spend tending to it.
Many people I see with marriage troubles have approached marriage as if it were an appliance.
"This darn dishwasher (marriage) just isn't working anymore."
When an appliance doesn't work, you kick it, maybe cuss it, jiggle it and then start looking for an opportunity to replace it.
"We went to a repair man and he couldn't fix it, so it's time to put this dishwasher (marriage) to rest and find a new one. I hear there are a lot of new features on the new models!"
Marriages aren't appliances and aren't repairable. Let me say that again - marriages aren't appliances and aren't repairable. People are the repairable ones!
A marriage is the sum of its parts and if the some doesn't add up then the parts are lacking. Work on the only part in the marriage you can truly change - yourself and invest in the empty box.
Do you want passion in the marriage? Put some passion into it. Do you want attention? Put a little attention in it. Do you want respect? Give some respect.
Instead of looking for what you can get out of the box (marriage), look at what you can give and invest in the box (marriage).
Where YOU INVEST is where your heart will be.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
My Favorite Oxymoron
ox‧y‧mo‧ron
Pronunciation - ok-si-mawr-on
Rhetoric a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect.
Here's a list of some of my favorite oxymora. Number one on my list is my favorite oxymoron.
20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Microsoft Works
1. Good Christian
Why is "Good Christian" an oxymoron? If we were good, we wouldn't need a Christ!
Christians are sinners who have an amazing Savior who actually loves and accepts us at our worst. If there is any goodness in us, it is the fruit of His life finding expression in us.
Don't call me good - there is only one good. If you do see good in me - consider the Source!
Monday, August 28, 2006
Having, Doing, Being
It seems that the grammar of faith these days has much to do with "having and doing" but very little to do with "being".
I have Jesus in my heart. I have salvation. I am doing my quiet time. I am going to church. I am praying each morning. Heavens mine when I die!
Sometimes the emphasis is on the flip side of these having's and doing's.
I don't have addictions. I don't have anxiety. I don't cuss or drink. I don't sleep around. I don't gossip. I don't vote for those Democrats.
But the Christian life has little to do with having and doing - it's about being!
A certain young, well-to-do ruler once came to Jesus and asked what must he do to have eternal life. Jesus realized that this man was caught up in the having and doing and believed that he could actually achieve this thing called eternal life.
What did Jesus do? He stripped him naked!
"OK, Mr. Have and Do-Not, you are lacking in the being department! You think that life consists in what you can acquire and perform and that God is impressed with that. Let me tell you what God is impressed with - a stripped, naked baby - helpless and totally dependent!"
God calls us to give up trying to do and let Him be in us what he wants to be in us.
God calls us to stop trying to possess Him and let Him possess us.
I have Jesus in my heart. I have salvation. I am doing my quiet time. I am going to church. I am praying each morning. Heavens mine when I die!
Sometimes the emphasis is on the flip side of these having's and doing's.
I don't have addictions. I don't have anxiety. I don't cuss or drink. I don't sleep around. I don't gossip. I don't vote for those Democrats.
But the Christian life has little to do with having and doing - it's about being!
A certain young, well-to-do ruler once came to Jesus and asked what must he do to have eternal life. Jesus realized that this man was caught up in the having and doing and believed that he could actually achieve this thing called eternal life.
What did Jesus do? He stripped him naked!
"OK, Mr. Have and Do-Not, you are lacking in the being department! You think that life consists in what you can acquire and perform and that God is impressed with that. Let me tell you what God is impressed with - a stripped, naked baby - helpless and totally dependent!"
God calls us to give up trying to do and let Him be in us what he wants to be in us.
God calls us to stop trying to possess Him and let Him possess us.
"God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God." [bold and italics mine]
2 Corinthians 5:19-21
Friday, August 25, 2006
Hello My Name Is...
Have you ever finished a prayer with the words, "In Jesus Name I pray. Amen."?
Why do we say those words? Are they the spiritual equivalent of the Woodchuck Hi Sign that work as a prayer password that get our prayers heard?
I've heard it said that God doesn't hear any prayers that aren't said in Jesus name. I'm not sure I agree with that. I think the confusion comes from the fact that Jesus told us that anything that we ask in His name will be answered.
The meaning of that has to do with our prayers being in line with what God is doing and us being attuned to His will. But for the sake of this blog posting I want to look at another aspect of prayer in Jesus name.
I think a reason we are called to pray in Jesus name is because He lives in our name. The Scriptures tell us He is our Great High Priest. Right now, He is loving the Father with all His heart, soul, mind and strength as our High Priest. What He is doing, He is doing in our name and on our behalf.
In Old Testament times, the high priest would wear a breastplate that had twelve stones on it - each symbolizing one of the twelve tribes. When he would function in his ministerial role of high priest he WAS Israel. What he did, he did in the name of Israel - on their behalf. What he did counted for ALL of Israel.
So it is today with Jesus. Inscribed on His heart is humanity and He lives to intercede for us! It is as if right now Jesus wears one of those "Hello My Name Is" name tags in Heaven with your name on it. Everything He does is for you. Everything He does IS you in Him! In Him you are the righteousness of God!
So next time you finish a prayer with the words, "In Jesus name I pray. Amen." Here him whisper back, "In your name I live!"
"I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Galatians 2:20 (The Message Translation)
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Lessons From a Missing Left Hand
So I was nine years old and it was Saturday. The rain had made the track and field day at my elementary school a wash. What's a boy to do with his time? I called Kelly Lott, my tomboy best friend, and the two of us hit the back yard for a great adventure in the jungle. Me Tarzan, she Jane.
It didn't take long before we were taking turns skinning the cat on the low branch of the middle tree of three in the jungle on Mary Jane Lane. It was wet, I lost my grip and fell about five feet to the earth below.
Crack!
What's causing that burning sensation? Why does my arm feel wet? Then I saw it. My arm was broken - compound fracture - bent at the wrist and elbow at a 90 degree angle and blood was flowing freely from my left arm. (Sorry queasy folks!)
Kelly was already positioned behind the tree and I could hear her repeatedly saying, "Ooh, Gross! Ooh Gross!"
Kelly managed to find my mother and within just a short time I was on the way to the hospital in the back of her father's station wagon with my mom holding my arm wrapped in a towel.
The pediatrician looked at my arm and declared, "We should probably operate. A break like this isn't good and we need to make sure that everything is OK in there."
The orthopedic surgeon examined my arm and said, "If we go in we will probably cause nerve damage. We are going to clean this boy up, set his arm, give him some medicine and in two hours he will be home on his couch recovering."
Two hours later I was at home on my couch, a cast on my arm and already a few signatures on the plaster. That was Saturday.
Sunday - I don't feel too good. I'm starting to get a fever.
Monday - The fever had increased and we went to the doctor. After a quick exam the doctor told my mother, "This is to be expected after a bad break like this. His body is reacting to the trauma of the break. Here is some medicine. He'll be fine!"
Tuesday - Somebody turn on the air conditioner - it's hot in here. The fever and pale, white hand didn't look too great and so off we went to the doctor. While I waited in the waiting room, the fever spiked and I went into convulsions. Houston we have a problem!
It was a mad dash after that and within a very short time I was in the operating room. Two surgeries later within the day and by Wednesday they had to amputate my left hand.
Gaseous gangrene was the diagnosis. A bacteria in the dirt from my back yard entered into my arm when the bone stuck in the ground and came back in. The bacteria was anaerobic (grows under the condition of no oxygen) and thrived when they sewed my arm up.
I was a sick puppy and I came very close to dying!
So what's the lesson?
When bad things happen we usually hear two voices. One tells us to open it up and deal with it. The other tells us it will be too painful - cover it up and move on. Broken places, wounds, sins and faults covered up spread like gangrene and destroy us.
Open those areas up, air them out with someone and let the light of truth start its healing process. You might save a relationship that way or you might save a part of you!
It didn't take long before we were taking turns skinning the cat on the low branch of the middle tree of three in the jungle on Mary Jane Lane. It was wet, I lost my grip and fell about five feet to the earth below.
Crack!
What's causing that burning sensation? Why does my arm feel wet? Then I saw it. My arm was broken - compound fracture - bent at the wrist and elbow at a 90 degree angle and blood was flowing freely from my left arm. (Sorry queasy folks!)
Kelly was already positioned behind the tree and I could hear her repeatedly saying, "Ooh, Gross! Ooh Gross!"
Kelly managed to find my mother and within just a short time I was on the way to the hospital in the back of her father's station wagon with my mom holding my arm wrapped in a towel.
The pediatrician looked at my arm and declared, "We should probably operate. A break like this isn't good and we need to make sure that everything is OK in there."
The orthopedic surgeon examined my arm and said, "If we go in we will probably cause nerve damage. We are going to clean this boy up, set his arm, give him some medicine and in two hours he will be home on his couch recovering."
Two hours later I was at home on my couch, a cast on my arm and already a few signatures on the plaster. That was Saturday.
Sunday - I don't feel too good. I'm starting to get a fever.
Monday - The fever had increased and we went to the doctor. After a quick exam the doctor told my mother, "This is to be expected after a bad break like this. His body is reacting to the trauma of the break. Here is some medicine. He'll be fine!"
Tuesday - Somebody turn on the air conditioner - it's hot in here. The fever and pale, white hand didn't look too great and so off we went to the doctor. While I waited in the waiting room, the fever spiked and I went into convulsions. Houston we have a problem!
It was a mad dash after that and within a very short time I was in the operating room. Two surgeries later within the day and by Wednesday they had to amputate my left hand.
Gaseous gangrene was the diagnosis. A bacteria in the dirt from my back yard entered into my arm when the bone stuck in the ground and came back in. The bacteria was anaerobic (grows under the condition of no oxygen) and thrived when they sewed my arm up.
I was a sick puppy and I came very close to dying!
So what's the lesson?
When bad things happen we usually hear two voices. One tells us to open it up and deal with it. The other tells us it will be too painful - cover it up and move on. Broken places, wounds, sins and faults covered up spread like gangrene and destroy us.
Open those areas up, air them out with someone and let the light of truth start its healing process. You might save a relationship that way or you might save a part of you!
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Living Life Through Your Eyeballs
One of the most wonderful things in life is when your three year old child jumps out of the bathtub dripping wet, soap suds still in the hair and runs through the house squealing with delight. They are free and feeling good and there is not a thought in the world that they are buck naked.
There is no condemning conscience telling them to cover up, stop looking so silly or you should be embarrassed . The ever present third eye that scrutinizes, judges and scolds is no where to be found. The child is free to live life through their eyeballs and it is a beautiful innocence!
Those encounters stop us dead in our tracks because we are envious of their freedom. Years ago we stopped living life through our eyeballs, wide-eyed and full of joy, and started performing for the judging crowd. We see ourselves from the perspective of the accusing crowd and do our best to please them. Do I measure up? Do you like me now? Please don't see my flaws!
The first chapter of Ephesians tells us that God's big plan before the foundation of the world was for us to be holy and blameless before him in Christ. "Holy and blameless before him" is not talking about being able to stand before God, ready for a white-gloved inspection. It is talking about something far more beautiful and relational.
The child running around the house in the innocent state of self-acceptance is holy and blameless before his family.
The daughter that climbs into the lap of her father as he tries to eat his supper, opens wide her mouth like a baby bird waiting for a worm and actually believes she will get a share. She is holy and blameless before her father.
The son who cups his mother's cheeks with his little hands, rubs his nose on hers and sticks his fingers in her mouth and giggles as he pulls them away while she pretends to try to bite them. He is holy and blameless before his mother.
This is the freedom and joy - LIFE - that God has always wanted for us to have with him and others! This purpose for us was so important that he never once left it up to us to pull if off. Nope! He chose us in Christ to have this quality of life with him and this was always his chosen path.
Why?
Because this is the kind of freedom that Jesus has always had with the Father and Spirit throughout all eternity. This face to face freedom before each other is the womb out of which we were created and for which we were birthed to live in.
No good mother and father has a child only to abandon her. No, they take responsibility for their daughter and do everything it takes to raise her up and fulfill their dreams for her. So it is with God! He created us for a purpose and has provided everything needed to make it so.
Think about it, you are God's child and he loves you! Run around the house! Open your mouth wide and expect him to feed you! Crawl into his lap and experience intimacy with him. Banish the thought he is judging and condemning you and rest like a child in his never ending love for you.
The Father chose you, the Son has fulfilled your adoption and the Spirit is calling you to be a child again!
There is no condemning conscience telling them to cover up, stop looking so silly or you should be embarrassed . The ever present third eye that scrutinizes, judges and scolds is no where to be found. The child is free to live life through their eyeballs and it is a beautiful innocence!
Those encounters stop us dead in our tracks because we are envious of their freedom. Years ago we stopped living life through our eyeballs, wide-eyed and full of joy, and started performing for the judging crowd. We see ourselves from the perspective of the accusing crowd and do our best to please them. Do I measure up? Do you like me now? Please don't see my flaws!
The first chapter of Ephesians tells us that God's big plan before the foundation of the world was for us to be holy and blameless before him in Christ. "Holy and blameless before him" is not talking about being able to stand before God, ready for a white-gloved inspection. It is talking about something far more beautiful and relational.
The child running around the house in the innocent state of self-acceptance is holy and blameless before his family.
The daughter that climbs into the lap of her father as he tries to eat his supper, opens wide her mouth like a baby bird waiting for a worm and actually believes she will get a share. She is holy and blameless before her father.
The son who cups his mother's cheeks with his little hands, rubs his nose on hers and sticks his fingers in her mouth and giggles as he pulls them away while she pretends to try to bite them. He is holy and blameless before his mother.
This is the freedom and joy - LIFE - that God has always wanted for us to have with him and others! This purpose for us was so important that he never once left it up to us to pull if off. Nope! He chose us in Christ to have this quality of life with him and this was always his chosen path.
Why?
Because this is the kind of freedom that Jesus has always had with the Father and Spirit throughout all eternity. This face to face freedom before each other is the womb out of which we were created and for which we were birthed to live in.
No good mother and father has a child only to abandon her. No, they take responsibility for their daughter and do everything it takes to raise her up and fulfill their dreams for her. So it is with God! He created us for a purpose and has provided everything needed to make it so.
Think about it, you are God's child and he loves you! Run around the house! Open your mouth wide and expect him to feed you! Crawl into his lap and experience intimacy with him. Banish the thought he is judging and condemning you and rest like a child in his never ending love for you.
The Father chose you, the Son has fulfilled your adoption and the Spirit is calling you to be a child again!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Fish Flop on Dry Ground
Why do some situations really hurt? Rejection, loss, judgment and sickness are all painful. Have you ever wondered why? What is it inside of us that causes us to reel against these experiences and do our best to stop the pain?
C.S. Lewis said that fish do not think of themselves as wet when they are in water because when they are there, they are in their element. Take them out of the water, out of their element, and they flop.
Maybe the reason we hurt so at times like these is because down deep inside we know (not with our brain but with our heart and soul) that we are out of our element. Maybe down deep we know that we were created for a garden not an untamed wilderness.
But how do we know? What has whispered to our deepest parts that there is a home for us that we will one day take to like a fish to water? The answer is not a "what" but a "who"!
The Apostle Paul said that Jesus has sent his Spirit of Sonship into us whereby we cry "Abba (Daddy) Father!" In other words, Jesus is already sharing his Son-Father relationship with us and is calling us to experience and know (with our heart, soul, mind and strength) the fullness of the embrace of God.
The whisper of the Including Spirit is wooing us, teaching us, calling us to give ourselves fully to Him and the Father and the Son and find our place in the original element - The Home Life of love, life, laughter, acceptance and so much more! Anything else flops.
And yes, this world will at times leave us flopping like a fish on the bank of a pond, but know that your pain is telling you who you are. If you were a reject, loser, condemned and a sicko you would take to it like a fish to water and it would feel warm and toasty.
Challenge: Next time you are in pain, listen to the Spirit's groaning in you telling you "This stinks! My Kingdom is coming and I am with you till the very end! I will NEVER leave you or forsake you!"
C.S. Lewis said that fish do not think of themselves as wet when they are in water because when they are there, they are in their element. Take them out of the water, out of their element, and they flop.
Maybe the reason we hurt so at times like these is because down deep inside we know (not with our brain but with our heart and soul) that we are out of our element. Maybe down deep we know that we were created for a garden not an untamed wilderness.
But how do we know? What has whispered to our deepest parts that there is a home for us that we will one day take to like a fish to water? The answer is not a "what" but a "who"!
The Apostle Paul said that Jesus has sent his Spirit of Sonship into us whereby we cry "Abba (Daddy) Father!" In other words, Jesus is already sharing his Son-Father relationship with us and is calling us to experience and know (with our heart, soul, mind and strength) the fullness of the embrace of God.
The whisper of the Including Spirit is wooing us, teaching us, calling us to give ourselves fully to Him and the Father and the Son and find our place in the original element - The Home Life of love, life, laughter, acceptance and so much more! Anything else flops.
And yes, this world will at times leave us flopping like a fish on the bank of a pond, but know that your pain is telling you who you are. If you were a reject, loser, condemned and a sicko you would take to it like a fish to water and it would feel warm and toasty.
Challenge: Next time you are in pain, listen to the Spirit's groaning in you telling you "This stinks! My Kingdom is coming and I am with you till the very end! I will NEVER leave you or forsake you!"
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Demanding or Commanding Respect?
WARNING - This blog is for the ladies, although you men might need to read on.
I am struck by how many women think that the best way to gain respect from a man is by demanding it. You search for the right words to say to get his attention. In a moment of pain you might fly off the handle (yes, men do that, too!) and let him have it verbally. You plead, beg, threaten, cajole - all to no avail!
The clothes stay on the floor. He still criticizes your cooking. That date alone without the kids has not been arranged and his dirty dishes are still at the table where he got up from the meal without a "Wow! What a great meal! Thanks!"
What do you do? Fuss, nag, complain? That usually doesn't work and if it does, the change is fleeting. Here's why. You are demanding respect.
Demanding respect has to do with your words and your words will never work! Action works with men, not words. Why? For men, words are used for positioning, while women use words for connecting. Thinking like a women (imagine that!) you try to connect with your man by letting him know (with passion) how terribly painful it is to feel so disrespected. He hears the following: "She's trying to get the upper hand, I will pull out my words and rise above her and show her who's boss."
You now feel totally devalued and unloved and remove yourself from the situation (some with more words and attempts than others). The net result is the man says to himself, "There, I'm top dog! I won, she lost! Now who's playing tonight on ESPN?"
I'm not trying to bash my fellow man and suck up to you ladies, it's just an observation. It's not that he's a pig, that's just how men work and we usually don't mean it personally. It's all about positioning and 1) he's designed to fight on terms of words; and 2) if you win the war of words you are now with a castrated man. What have you really won?
What do you do? Command respect! Instead of letting your words go in one ear, get labeled nagging or worse, and go out the other ear; it's time for action!
Robin and I had been married for a very short time. I was 21 and she was 20 (can you see the coming train wreck?). One day I arrived home from work or school (or the playground) and Robin had ironed all my clothes. Every ironable article of clothing was ironed and hanging in the closet. She was proud and I was not impressed.
You must understand, growing up my mother didn't iron my clothes - she pressed them. Not only were the wrinkles removed but the creases were in all the right places (my jeans were pressed, too - yikes!).
I looked at the clothes she had ironed (not pressed) and stated, "Honey, I need to take you home to my mother and let her teach you how to iron my clothes."
STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
I married a great gal and the daughter of the Colonel calmly informed me with a twinge of hurt in her voice, "Mark, you can go home to your mother and let her teach you how to iron your clothes. I'm not ironing them anymore."
That's it. She said no more about it. She walked away and got on with the evening. It was uneventful except for looking back.
I wore all my clothes and she washed and folded them but didn't once touch an iron to them. Finally, I ran out of ironed clothes and realized, that girl meant business. What did I do? I huffed a little. Sighed a lot. Tried to make her feel guilty but she didn't bite!
Finally, I called my mother and asked, "Just how do you iron those shirts mom?" and my history of ironing began. How long did Robin keep her course? EIGHT YEARS! Yep, count them - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 years! Not once did she say a word about it or treat me poorly. She just didn't iron my clothes.
What did I learn? I can't have the best of her and disrespect her! Note to self - CHANGE!
Actions DO speak louder than words, ladies.
I am struck by how many women think that the best way to gain respect from a man is by demanding it. You search for the right words to say to get his attention. In a moment of pain you might fly off the handle (yes, men do that, too!) and let him have it verbally. You plead, beg, threaten, cajole - all to no avail!
The clothes stay on the floor. He still criticizes your cooking. That date alone without the kids has not been arranged and his dirty dishes are still at the table where he got up from the meal without a "Wow! What a great meal! Thanks!"
What do you do? Fuss, nag, complain? That usually doesn't work and if it does, the change is fleeting. Here's why. You are demanding respect.
Demanding respect has to do with your words and your words will never work! Action works with men, not words. Why? For men, words are used for positioning, while women use words for connecting. Thinking like a women (imagine that!) you try to connect with your man by letting him know (with passion) how terribly painful it is to feel so disrespected. He hears the following: "She's trying to get the upper hand, I will pull out my words and rise above her and show her who's boss."
You now feel totally devalued and unloved and remove yourself from the situation (some with more words and attempts than others). The net result is the man says to himself, "There, I'm top dog! I won, she lost! Now who's playing tonight on ESPN?"
I'm not trying to bash my fellow man and suck up to you ladies, it's just an observation. It's not that he's a pig, that's just how men work and we usually don't mean it personally. It's all about positioning and 1) he's designed to fight on terms of words; and 2) if you win the war of words you are now with a castrated man. What have you really won?
What do you do? Command respect! Instead of letting your words go in one ear, get labeled nagging or worse, and go out the other ear; it's time for action!
Robin and I had been married for a very short time. I was 21 and she was 20 (can you see the coming train wreck?). One day I arrived home from work or school (or the playground) and Robin had ironed all my clothes. Every ironable article of clothing was ironed and hanging in the closet. She was proud and I was not impressed.
You must understand, growing up my mother didn't iron my clothes - she pressed them. Not only were the wrinkles removed but the creases were in all the right places (my jeans were pressed, too - yikes!).
I looked at the clothes she had ironed (not pressed) and stated, "Honey, I need to take you home to my mother and let her teach you how to iron my clothes."
STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!
I married a great gal and the daughter of the Colonel calmly informed me with a twinge of hurt in her voice, "Mark, you can go home to your mother and let her teach you how to iron your clothes. I'm not ironing them anymore."
That's it. She said no more about it. She walked away and got on with the evening. It was uneventful except for looking back.
I wore all my clothes and she washed and folded them but didn't once touch an iron to them. Finally, I ran out of ironed clothes and realized, that girl meant business. What did I do? I huffed a little. Sighed a lot. Tried to make her feel guilty but she didn't bite!
Finally, I called my mother and asked, "Just how do you iron those shirts mom?" and my history of ironing began. How long did Robin keep her course? EIGHT YEARS! Yep, count them - 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8 years! Not once did she say a word about it or treat me poorly. She just didn't iron my clothes.
What did I learn? I can't have the best of her and disrespect her! Note to self - CHANGE!
Actions DO speak louder than words, ladies.
Ever Been Stoned?
Have you ever tried to do something positive with your life? Going on a diet, going back to school or trying to give up old habits can create an interesting stir with those around you! Why is it that just as you try to make a life change there are those around you that do their best to sabotage your efforts?
A friend of mine told me of how when he was a boy he would always go crabbing. If he threw one crab into the crab basket it would instantly climb out, but if he threw in two or more, the others would hold the escapee in the basket with them.
I think we are crabs! We see someone who changes and it threatens our sense of self-limiting security. We cut them down, shoot holes in their ideas, threaten them with rejection all in an attempt to remain unchanged. Many times it's because we don't want to admit to ourselves we have sold ourselves short and face the painful truth that we are wrong and need change.
When Joshua and Caleb came back from spying on the Promised Land, they went against the status quo, the prevailing opinions of the crowd, and courageously said "Let's go get our land!"
What did the crowds do? They picked up stones to stone them and shut them up. They didn't want their self-limiting, faithless beliefs challenged so they tried to shoot the crazy, Polly Anna-ish, glass-half-full destroyers of mediocrity. Fortunately, God intervened and, though it took forty years, their vision of promise and change won the day.
So what about you? Have you had stones thrown at you for your courage to change or have you thrown stones at those who have been daring enough to go against the flow?
A friend of mine told me of how when he was a boy he would always go crabbing. If he threw one crab into the crab basket it would instantly climb out, but if he threw in two or more, the others would hold the escapee in the basket with them.
I think we are crabs! We see someone who changes and it threatens our sense of self-limiting security. We cut them down, shoot holes in their ideas, threaten them with rejection all in an attempt to remain unchanged. Many times it's because we don't want to admit to ourselves we have sold ourselves short and face the painful truth that we are wrong and need change.
When Joshua and Caleb came back from spying on the Promised Land, they went against the status quo, the prevailing opinions of the crowd, and courageously said "Let's go get our land!"
What did the crowds do? They picked up stones to stone them and shut them up. They didn't want their self-limiting, faithless beliefs challenged so they tried to shoot the crazy, Polly Anna-ish, glass-half-full destroyers of mediocrity. Fortunately, God intervened and, though it took forty years, their vision of promise and change won the day.
So what about you? Have you had stones thrown at you for your courage to change or have you thrown stones at those who have been daring enough to go against the flow?
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Always More Than You Imagined!
I went to sleep last night at 11PM and woke to the sound of a beeping watch at 3:15AM. What is that sound? Oh, yea, that's my alarm going off. I have to go help my Marathon Makeover group get in their 18 miles.
Up and at 'em and out the door at 4AM - ten water coolers in tow. After depositing water coolers all over the Reservoir area, Robin and I set out to knock off half the mileage - only 9 miles! Short run!
I've been hurting from a broken toe (I kicked a couch in the dark) and the effects messed up my gait. This has messed up my training and the hopes of a 4 hour marathon, but today I remembered something very important. On any given day, you can go three times the distance you have done up to that point.
This morning I walked, I ran and I enjoyed myself and got in twelve miles. Let's see - 12 x 3 = 36 miles. 26.2 miles will be a breeze! I'm going for it!
So what's the point? Even when life throws you some curve balls and your plans seem hopeless, you can always do more than you ever imagined. Your initial goals may need to be adjusted but there is still a way to experience a personal success. You may change your approach, but never give up!
Up and at 'em and out the door at 4AM - ten water coolers in tow. After depositing water coolers all over the Reservoir area, Robin and I set out to knock off half the mileage - only 9 miles! Short run!
I've been hurting from a broken toe (I kicked a couch in the dark) and the effects messed up my gait. This has messed up my training and the hopes of a 4 hour marathon, but today I remembered something very important. On any given day, you can go three times the distance you have done up to that point.
This morning I walked, I ran and I enjoyed myself and got in twelve miles. Let's see - 12 x 3 = 36 miles. 26.2 miles will be a breeze! I'm going for it!
So what's the point? Even when life throws you some curve balls and your plans seem hopeless, you can always do more than you ever imagined. Your initial goals may need to be adjusted but there is still a way to experience a personal success. You may change your approach, but never give up!
Friday, August 18, 2006
SIN or sins?
So many times when we are struggling spiritually, we tend to focus on our sins and this leads to several things - striving, self-effort salvation, even despair!
What can we do? Let me offer something to think about.
SIN in the Bible is defined as unbelief - or NOT resting in God's unconditional love (agape). We were created for a dynamic relationship with the Father, Son and Spirit and to be free to love and receive love! Unbelief in God's heart for us, believing that he is a judge and against us is SIN. We aren't walking and resting in the truth of who God is and therefore who we are.
What does this produce? Pain - Soul Pain! In the deepest parts of our being, we ache and hear a devastating whisper - "I am not...!" I am not special, loved, accepted, pretty enough, competent, adequate, young enough, old enough, smart enough, going to make it! This is unbearable!
What do we do? We develop our strategies of pain management. We abuse food, drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships and religion. We use porn, people pleasing, materialism, performance and hiding. We disobey our parents, we steal from our neighbor, we cheat with our co-worker who is not our mate, we lie about what we are really feeling. The list of strategies of pain management are endless! What are these strategies? The Bible calls them sins.
These sins are not the problem! They are problematic. They can cause much pain and heartache, but they are not the problem. The problem is the unbelief - the not resting in God's agape. Remove your favorite pain management strategy and you still can have tremendous amounts of soul pain and you will be forced to pick another poison.
True healing comes not by reforming your behaviors but by returning to God and letting Him love you and tell you who you are. Remember, man doesn't live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Father. He says He loves you unconditionally! Rest!
What can we do? Let me offer something to think about.
SIN in the Bible is defined as unbelief - or NOT resting in God's unconditional love (agape). We were created for a dynamic relationship with the Father, Son and Spirit and to be free to love and receive love! Unbelief in God's heart for us, believing that he is a judge and against us is SIN. We aren't walking and resting in the truth of who God is and therefore who we are.
What does this produce? Pain - Soul Pain! In the deepest parts of our being, we ache and hear a devastating whisper - "I am not...!" I am not special, loved, accepted, pretty enough, competent, adequate, young enough, old enough, smart enough, going to make it! This is unbearable!
What do we do? We develop our strategies of pain management. We abuse food, drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships and religion. We use porn, people pleasing, materialism, performance and hiding. We disobey our parents, we steal from our neighbor, we cheat with our co-worker who is not our mate, we lie about what we are really feeling. The list of strategies of pain management are endless! What are these strategies? The Bible calls them sins.
These sins are not the problem! They are problematic. They can cause much pain and heartache, but they are not the problem. The problem is the unbelief - the not resting in God's agape. Remove your favorite pain management strategy and you still can have tremendous amounts of soul pain and you will be forced to pick another poison.
True healing comes not by reforming your behaviors but by returning to God and letting Him love you and tell you who you are. Remember, man doesn't live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of the Father. He says He loves you unconditionally! Rest!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Volcano god - A Fable
There was a tribe that lived on a Pacific island that had an active volcano on it. The tribe lived in a village at the base of the volcano. At nights, the volcano would rumble and the tribes people would become frightened. They believed the volcano was a god!
"What must we do to make the volcano god happy?" they would ask and would take sacrifices up the side of the volcano and throw their prized possessions into the volcano to appease its anger. Sometimes they would sacrifice their children to the Volcano god in order to keep it happy.
Their most common means of making the volcano god happy was to perform the elaborate ritual - the dance of the egg shells. As each tribes person danced around on egg shells many times the volcano god would be appeased and not spew lava down upon the village.
Sometimes all the sacrifices and even the dance of the egg shells failed and the villagers would receive the blast of the volcano god and they would wonder - "What did we do wrong to make the volcano god mad and why weren't our sacrifices and egg shell dances good enough to appease?"
Amazingly, the thought never occurred to them that the volcano wasn't a god, they had no control over the volcano, and that the best way to deal with the spewing of the volcano was to move away until it learned to be dormant.
"What must we do to make the volcano god happy?" they would ask and would take sacrifices up the side of the volcano and throw their prized possessions into the volcano to appease its anger. Sometimes they would sacrifice their children to the Volcano god in order to keep it happy.
Their most common means of making the volcano god happy was to perform the elaborate ritual - the dance of the egg shells. As each tribes person danced around on egg shells many times the volcano god would be appeased and not spew lava down upon the village.
Sometimes all the sacrifices and even the dance of the egg shells failed and the villagers would receive the blast of the volcano god and they would wonder - "What did we do wrong to make the volcano god mad and why weren't our sacrifices and egg shell dances good enough to appease?"
Amazingly, the thought never occurred to them that the volcano wasn't a god, they had no control over the volcano, and that the best way to deal with the spewing of the volcano was to move away until it learned to be dormant.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Mirror, Mirror On the Wall...
Remember Snow White and the mirror? The queen would ask the mirror who the fairest of them all was and as luck would have it - one day Snow White got top billing.
While reading this morning Jeff and Shaunti Feldhan's book - For Men Only - they stated that the nagging question that all women ask is "Am I beautiful to you?" and the question is a daily one. My wife needs to hear on a daily basis that she is beautiful to me.
For most men, they recognize their wife is beautiful but may fail to tell her so except on special occasions. I can't count the number of ladies who have stated that their husbands rarely complement them and they are starved for their husband's affirmation.
I knew I could marry Robin, when I went to see her at her grandmother's house while we were still in college. I arrived early in the morning and she was still asleep. Her grandmother let me sneak in the room and there I saw the most amazing thing - a beautiful woman asleep with NO makeup on. Right then she took my breath away and I knew I could wake up beside her every morning and feel that I was the luckiest man alive. Guess what - she still looks incredible first thing in the morning and I am still the luckiest man alive! (I don't look great but that doesn't matter!)
I find that the best time to tell her she is beautiful is first thing in the morning and all the other times she takes my breath away. Men, just like you wouldn't go one day without looking in the mirror - don't let your wife go one day without mirroring to her how beautiful she is!
In my family, I have three daughters and a wife (she tells me that it takes a lot of estrogen to balance out ALL my testosterone) and I have come to realize that in these four incredible ladies lives, I am the most important mirror in the house and I had better learn to be a talking mirror!
While reading this morning Jeff and Shaunti Feldhan's book - For Men Only - they stated that the nagging question that all women ask is "Am I beautiful to you?" and the question is a daily one. My wife needs to hear on a daily basis that she is beautiful to me.
For most men, they recognize their wife is beautiful but may fail to tell her so except on special occasions. I can't count the number of ladies who have stated that their husbands rarely complement them and they are starved for their husband's affirmation.
I knew I could marry Robin, when I went to see her at her grandmother's house while we were still in college. I arrived early in the morning and she was still asleep. Her grandmother let me sneak in the room and there I saw the most amazing thing - a beautiful woman asleep with NO makeup on. Right then she took my breath away and I knew I could wake up beside her every morning and feel that I was the luckiest man alive. Guess what - she still looks incredible first thing in the morning and I am still the luckiest man alive! (I don't look great but that doesn't matter!)
I find that the best time to tell her she is beautiful is first thing in the morning and all the other times she takes my breath away. Men, just like you wouldn't go one day without looking in the mirror - don't let your wife go one day without mirroring to her how beautiful she is!
In my family, I have three daughters and a wife (she tells me that it takes a lot of estrogen to balance out ALL my testosterone) and I have come to realize that in these four incredible ladies lives, I am the most important mirror in the house and I had better learn to be a talking mirror!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
What's in Your Wallet?
Have you seen the commercial where the unsuspecting shopper is purchasing something at a store and a throng of Viking warriors start to storm the store? At just the last second, the shopper pulls out their Capitol One Visa card and darn... the Vikings are thwarted! The announcer then poses the question, "What's in your wallet?"
The Scriptures tell us that "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks". In other words, what is in your heart and soul will flow out when life inevitably jostles you. It's as if you carry around a cup inside that sloshes out its contents when life bumps you. If your child, mate or boss bumps you in some way, what is in your heart and soul will come out.
If you are filled with toxic waste, then toxic waste will spill out into the lives of those around you. If, on the other hand, you are filled with refreshing living waters, then what flows out of you will touch and bless those you have watered.
I think there is a God-given rub to life that He designed to expose the toxic waste in our heart and soul. If we are open to the experience, God will begin the process of cleaning up our "well" and the source of toxic waste will be healed. As the corrosion of the heart is cleansed, the contents are replaced with His Living Water.
When the jostles of life begin to slosh our hearts and soul, instead of a Viking battle ensuing, a soft answer that turns away wrath will most likely flow forth.
So my question to you is, "What's in your heart?"
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24
The Scriptures tell us that "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks". In other words, what is in your heart and soul will flow out when life inevitably jostles you. It's as if you carry around a cup inside that sloshes out its contents when life bumps you. If your child, mate or boss bumps you in some way, what is in your heart and soul will come out.
If you are filled with toxic waste, then toxic waste will spill out into the lives of those around you. If, on the other hand, you are filled with refreshing living waters, then what flows out of you will touch and bless those you have watered.
I think there is a God-given rub to life that He designed to expose the toxic waste in our heart and soul. If we are open to the experience, God will begin the process of cleaning up our "well" and the source of toxic waste will be healed. As the corrosion of the heart is cleansed, the contents are replaced with His Living Water.
When the jostles of life begin to slosh our hearts and soul, instead of a Viking battle ensuing, a soft answer that turns away wrath will most likely flow forth.
So my question to you is, "What's in your heart?"
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24
Friday, August 11, 2006
Welcome to the LifeChange Daily Blog
I'm glad you have decided to take the time to read my new blog where I get to tell you what I am thinking. Ideas are always running through my head and here is a great outlet to put it down for the world to see (or at least two or three of you).
This blog will be a place for me to ramble and post things that hopefully will inspire you to create your own daily life change. Join in and visit often and add to the experience by giving me your feedback.
This blog will be a place for me to ramble and post things that hopefully will inspire you to create your own daily life change. Join in and visit often and add to the experience by giving me your feedback.
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