A good life, one well-lived will not always be a life of constant happiness. But many people, in the pursuit of happiness will jeopardize their health and in actuality wind up very unhappy in the long run.
Have you heard of the marshmallow test? A researcher places a marshmallow in front of a 4 year-old and gives this choice: “I am leaving for a few minutes to run an errand and you can have this marshmallow while I am gone, but if you wait until I return, you can have two marshmallows.”
Researchers at Stanford University ran that test in the 1960s. A dozen years later, they restudied the same children and found that those who had grabbed the single marshmallow tended to be more troubled as adolescents. Astonishingly, the one-marshmallow kids also scored an average of 210 points less on SAT tests.
Daniel Goleman tells that tale in his book, Emotional Intelligence, to illustrate the importance of early character training. But it is also an excellent reminder of just how important it is to delay gratification. Eating a marshmallow now would definitely make you happy in the moment but learning to wait for two, which is a healthier response, will ensure long-term happiness.
What are the contributors that lead us to this unending pursuit of happiness? For one thing our constitution encourages this…life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. While it is important that we have the freedom to pursue those things that we are called to do, it seems that we are a nation obsessed with doing whatever makes us happy. We are a nation that grabs the one marshmallow and then expects to get more for just being alive. Life doesn’t work that way, and when it doesn’t we become focused on our neighbors marshmallow and covet theirs and scheme to acquire theirs.
This is a sure fire way to create a life of misery. It may provide happiness for a season but in the end it will result in unhealthiness and will drive away any possibility of happiness.
The second contributor is that of the health and wealth, happy god we have created that says, “If you follow me, I will make you happy!” Who is this god? The Living God, who revealed himself in Jesus Christ is said to have been a man of sorrow and acquainted with grief. Following this God may lead you to give up your coat, your food or even your life. This doesn’t always produce happiness but may increase your joy!
Judy Garland sang the song, “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” and to many the dream of happiness is somewhere over the rainbow waiting as a pot of gold. Happiness is outside of you, away from your life situation, on the other side of the fence where the grass is greener. Many divorces occur because a spouse beliefs that there happiness is tied to another person. This belief begins with the hopes that their spouse will make them happy but over the years they come to believe another story. Not, my happiness isn’t dependent on another person but, “My life is dependent on another person, I’ve just realized you are the wrong person.” So with that epiphany, they take off in the pursuit of happiness with another. “After all, God wouldn’t want me to live my whole life unhappy!”
Happiness is a great emotion when placed in the proper order. Happiness at the expense of healthiness will not be long-lived, but happiness subordinated to healthiness will give one years of joy and greater moments of happiness.
As a child, I used to complain to my mother, “I’m bored!” only to hear my mother respond, “Read a book.” What was I after as a child? I was looking for someone to rescue me from my misery. My mother wisely new that I had to take responsibility for my experiences and I needed to find healthy ways to enjoy myself. As I grew older I realized that others aren’t responsible for my happiness, they are contributors but they don’t cause my happiness. What does lead to good life?
Proverbs 3: 1- 8 says:
“My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring your prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.”Pursue healthiness, you will experience much more happiness that way.
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