Things You Will Never Hear Men & Women Say.

Things you'll NEVER hear one guy say to another guy:

1. Does my rear look fat in this?
2. I'm tired of football. What say you to flipping the channel to that figure skating competition?
3. I can't stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!
4. I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.
5. There's nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.
6. Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!
7. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commericals.
8. I'm deeply offended by young women who go bra-less.
9. Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all that's the important thing.
   

Things you'll NEVER hear one woman say to another woman:

1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?
2. Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself!
3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and I'm happy for them both.
4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.
5. He earned more than I did, so I broke up with him.
6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!
7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to help him with the color choices!
8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!
9. I just realized -- my rear doesn't look fat in this -- my rear *is* fat!